Why do you have to wait so long at the Emergency Room? Why is the Miz the new WWE Champion? Why aren't more people reading the Tales of Nicholas Nobody? Why is Scrooged not running 24/7 on at least one network? Why am I not typing this bullet style? Why is Barrack Obama talking to Barbara Walters about Sarah Palin? Why did Jerry Jones have to ruin the fun and fire Wade Phillips? Why do the San Diego Chargers tease their fans with a late season run that will only inevitably end badly? Why do my aunts still pretend to not know how to get to my house? Why did some punk ass kid take an entire high school class hostage in Wisconsin? Why hasn't A Little Bit of Mojo gotten a little caption on the Thread's website? (See above) Why is it that births and funerals make us forget the reasons we stopped talking to certain people? Why don't people quote Fight Club more often? And for that matter, why can't I talk about Fight Club? Why are the Yankees jerking everyone around by pretending that they don't care if they sign Derek Jeter? Why did Alan Burke rob Eric Cyphers of his first good play ever by invoking the 'arm going forward rule' at Bourbon Bowl? Why can't Smallville be as awesome as Superman Earth One? Why do the New York Jets and the New York Giants play in New Jersey? Why is anyone surprised that the Miami Heat haven't lived up the hype? Why did Boise State drop out of the top 10 in the BCS with one loss while there are two teams in the top 10 with two losses? Why did my father in law tell me that Holy Cross beat Lehigh when in fact the opposite occurred? Why don't fat people get asked to cook as often as big people get asked to help move stuff? Why haven't Ben and Jenny Barrett moved back to the US yet? Why was Aliens the only movie I could find to watch in the delivery room? Why does everything PQ told me while I was in the Marine Corps make so much sense now? Why do Chris Carter and Keyshawn Johnson act like they weren't prima donnas? Why does my friend Otis still surprise me with his escapades? Why hasn't Charlie Sheen just gotten it over with and killed a call girl yet? Why does Congress get a vacation? Why don't more people know how talented Terry Dolan is? Why does the Catholic Church still pretend that requiring priests to be celibate is a good idea? Why do I say I'm so happy that my son doesn't look like me when in reality he looks a lot like me? Why am I suddenly so sorry for every nasty thing I've ever said to my father? Why are Karissa and I so blessed with such amazing friends and families? Why don't more people watch the League? Why did that idiot in Wisconsin shoot his TV when Bristol Palin wasn't eliminated on DWTS? Why don't more people watch The Soup? Why don't Bill Maher, Dennis Miller and Jon Stewart run against eachother for President? Why does Mike Long think everything is 20 minutes away? Why does Suff pretend that he understands the concept of punctuality? Why do I still get up at 6 am when I haven't had a job since June? Why did Richard Seymour only punch out Ben Roethlisberger? Why did I wait till the end of this blog to tell my wife Karissa and newborn son Brayden how much I love them?
Well if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.
Showing posts with label Chargers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chargers. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
All Charged Up
First and foremost let me say this with joy in my heart... the Rangers won the pennant! Let me say it again because it feels so good... THE RANGERS WON THE PENNANT!!! Before any Yankee fan accuses me of being just a sore loser... YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT!!! Why else would I subscribe to the mantra of "I root for two teams: the Red Sox and whoever beat the Yankees"?!?!?!?! I hate Alex Rodriguez with so much passion that I can barely acknowledge how talented he is. It's visceral and illogical yet completely real. As much as I love all the images of the Red Sox title runs in 2004 and 2007, my favorite picture of all time is Jason Varitek punching A-Fraud in the face. In close second is the close-up shot of him wearing those idiotic Bozo-like batting gloves slapping the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's hand in Game 7 of the '04 ALCS. I just think he's a total douche bag. It was also nice to see Mark "Droop Face" Teixeira limp off the field with a hamstring injury. Now there is a throwback player if ever there was one. A switch hitting all star first baseman who can barely talk about baseball in a post game interview, let alone formulate a thought, and looks like he is either constantly constipated or having a stroke!! I find it funny that so many NBA fans crap on LeBron and Chris Bosh for going to the Heat under the guise of not being able or willing to win a title on their own and be the man on their own team... yet every F@#%ING year that is exactly what every marquee baseball free agent does when they sign with the Evil Empire. I don't recall the analysts on ESPN crushing Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen like this in the summer of 2007. Did they? Did I just turn a blind eye? Either way, I guess I was unaware of two truths: 1) It only takes one superstar to win an NBA title and 2) No matter what the Yankees do, it's understandable and excusable. I feel sorry for Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada and Mariano Rivera. While I am no Yankee fan, these three players are true class acts. They have thrived in the unimaginable brightness of the spotlight in the city that never sleeps for over fifteen years. It's a shame that management doesn't see the wisdom in growing their own talent and teaching the Yankee way of doing things anymore. Considering that A-Fraud and Droop Face make more than the than the whole Rangers lineup.. it might be time to change strategy.
The Pats beat the Chargers yesterday 23-20. This game clarifies the statement that whether you win by one or a hundred, it only matters that you won. It was ugly. It was painful. Even though Drew Brees threw four picks yesterday I can't help but think that Chargers fans must be wondering how they got stuck with Phillip Rivers. He seems more like the character Ali Larter played in Final Destination Clear Rivers. Maybe he should check himself into a ward where he can't hurt anyone else with his bad decisions. Norv Turner sucks as an NFL head coach. He was a great offensive coordinator. The only head coach in the NFL that should have less job security than Turner is that lumbering bag of monkey puke in Dallas. That being said, let me say this... people often call Belichick a genius, if he's a genius then I'm left to wonder if the definition changed. Fourth and one, ball on your 48 yard line, no time outs, two minutes to go and a three point lead is when you punt the ball and trust your defense to win the game. DIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM INDIANAPOLIS LAST YEAR?!?!?!?! Thank God the Chargers suck so bad that they saved your ass!!!! This team is 5-1, but they are a heart attack inspiring 5-1. Pats fans might end up drinking more to ease their nerves regardless of the outcome.
It seems that the NFL can't get out of its own way. On the same day that they announce a new policy that will suspend players for devastating hits, their website has stills of James Harrison leveling Brown's receiver Mohamed Massaquoi. I don't know whether it's hypocritical or capitalistic to seek profit from something that you just labelled excessive and illegal. Personally I don't care if games end in a tie or a blowout. And to be frank I don't really care about their safety either. The minimum salary for the NFL in 2010 is $325,000. That's what the fourth string guy makes!!! The starters are all millionaires!!! The argument for their outrageous salaries is that they can do things that ordinary people can't. Then I will apply it the opposite way, if they are superhuman then they should be able to take superhuman punishment. In the Marines my CO told us once "If you want to be safe then go sell shoes at Sears cuz we aren't in a safe f@#$ing business." In other words, if you don't like it then quit you whiny bitch millionaires!! I mean you all went to college after all right?! You should be able to get decent jobs with your degrees, right?!? Oh I forgot, the only thing you learned there was how to get away with just about any crime as long as an agent doesn't bail you out of jail!!!
Well if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.
The Pats beat the Chargers yesterday 23-20. This game clarifies the statement that whether you win by one or a hundred, it only matters that you won. It was ugly. It was painful. Even though Drew Brees threw four picks yesterday I can't help but think that Chargers fans must be wondering how they got stuck with Phillip Rivers. He seems more like the character Ali Larter played in Final Destination Clear Rivers. Maybe he should check himself into a ward where he can't hurt anyone else with his bad decisions. Norv Turner sucks as an NFL head coach. He was a great offensive coordinator. The only head coach in the NFL that should have less job security than Turner is that lumbering bag of monkey puke in Dallas. That being said, let me say this... people often call Belichick a genius, if he's a genius then I'm left to wonder if the definition changed. Fourth and one, ball on your 48 yard line, no time outs, two minutes to go and a three point lead is when you punt the ball and trust your defense to win the game. DIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM INDIANAPOLIS LAST YEAR?!?!?!?! Thank God the Chargers suck so bad that they saved your ass!!!! This team is 5-1, but they are a heart attack inspiring 5-1. Pats fans might end up drinking more to ease their nerves regardless of the outcome.
It seems that the NFL can't get out of its own way. On the same day that they announce a new policy that will suspend players for devastating hits, their website has stills of James Harrison leveling Brown's receiver Mohamed Massaquoi. I don't know whether it's hypocritical or capitalistic to seek profit from something that you just labelled excessive and illegal. Personally I don't care if games end in a tie or a blowout. And to be frank I don't really care about their safety either. The minimum salary for the NFL in 2010 is $325,000. That's what the fourth string guy makes!!! The starters are all millionaires!!! The argument for their outrageous salaries is that they can do things that ordinary people can't. Then I will apply it the opposite way, if they are superhuman then they should be able to take superhuman punishment. In the Marines my CO told us once "If you want to be safe then go sell shoes at Sears cuz we aren't in a safe f@#$ing business." In other words, if you don't like it then quit you whiny bitch millionaires!! I mean you all went to college after all right?! You should be able to get decent jobs with your degrees, right?!? Oh I forgot, the only thing you learned there was how to get away with just about any crime as long as an agent doesn't bail you out of jail!!!
Well if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.
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