Self Reflection

Mojo is defined as a charm or a spell.  According to the Austin Powers films, mojo is a life force that makes men want to be like you and women want to be with you.  It's the first name of Jim Morrison's anagram.   Mojo is also my fraternity nickname.  It might come as a shock to some people that my nickname isn't Connors.  Some nicknames stick and some don't.  I guess mine didn't.  I started this blog as an outlet for the backup of crazy thoughts that I have about the world.  At least that's what I tell people.  The truth of the matter is that I started it for two reasons:  1) I'm unemployed which means I have a ridiculous amount of free time and 2) I felt abandoned and left out.  I called this blog "A Little Bit of Mojo" because in truth it's a little bit of me.

I know I am loud.  I know that I can be abrasive.  I know that I am 6'2 and weigh 285 lbs.  I know that I shave my head, and have a goatee.  I know that I look more like an ogre than a leading man.  I know at first glance most people probably think I'm not that bright and some probably believe it after further review.  I know that I have a chip on my shoulder.  I know that no matter how hard I try I always feel like I'm no good.  I know that I have a tendency to concentrate on what I don't have instead of what I do.  I know that I question everything and don't come up with any answers.  I know that slights or imaginary hurts are real things that cause a lot of damages.

I have said many times that if I can become half the man that my father is then I'll be twice as good as most men.  Whatever life throws his way, my father takes it in stride.  Somehow he manages to treat people with a smile and respect even when they don't return them.  He has never failed to support me even when I know that I didn't deserve it.  Unfortunately there have been a lot of those times.  Truthfully I love and respect my father more than anyone.  I have never understood how he manages to stay the course.  He's not an emotional man but that doesn't mean he doesn't care.  He is perhaps the most thoughtful person I know.  Listing my father's attributes makes me acutely aware that I am not even close to half the man he is.

I love books, TV and movies.  Men are always portrayed as brash, funny, tough, smart, stupid, obsessed, detached, thoughtful or thoughtless.  There are a lot of stereotypes about male characters and maybe men in general.  I was watching The Godfather and Johnny was crying to Don Corleone about how his life was going.  Don Corleone responds "BE A MAN!"  Men aren't supposed to cry.  Men aren't supposed to get stressed out.  Men are supposed to be mature.  Men aren't supposed to ask for help.  Men aren't supposed to complain.  Men don't apologize.  By all the definitions, I know that I am not a good man.  I get upset.  I cry.  I get bitter and hostile for no good reason.  I get overwhelmed and withdraw.  I laugh out loud at ridiculous, immature crap.  I apologize when I have hurt someone, even to those who would never apologize to me.  I feel bad about feeling bad.  Sometimes I am too honest.  Sometimes I am not honest enough.

So, why am I writing this?  Why have I shared my opinion of myself?  Because now I am a father.  Despite all my shortcomings God and my wife have seen fit to give me a son.  He's a beautiful, innocent little boy and it is my job to help him navigate this crazy world and become a man.  I have but one hope for him.  I hope that he becomes a far better man than I am.  A man who cares for others more than for himself.  A man who will not worry about the past but will live for the present while planning for the future.  A man who will see the good in people and the world.  A man who will always seek to better himself no matter what he accomplishes.  A man who will love and be loved in return.  Above all I hope that I can become a good enough man to show him how.

I have been doing a lot of self reflection in the last year.  If you are reading this and you know me then please know that if I have ever done you harm in anyway, I am sorry.  I am not writing this looking for any sort of reassurances or accusations.  I know who I am and what I've done.  I also know what and who I want to become.

Well if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that is the case then you have my sympathies.

How is it possible?

How is possible that all this F@#$ING snow hasn't melted yet?  How is it possible that a popular revolution led to military rule in Egypt?  How is possible that gas prices are climbing again?  How is it possible that no matter who is in charge nothing substantive gets done?  How is it possible that it's been a month since I wrote a new post?  How is it possible that my little boy is three months old?  How is it possible that my mother has been gone for 18 years?  How is it possible that my father can drink a bottle of wine everyday and not get a hangover?  How is it possible that Charlie Sheen thinks he can give Lindsay Lohan advice?  How is it possible that the Yankees are calling the Red Sox the favorite in the AL East?  How is it possible that Lindsay Lohan is not serving time?  How is it possible that Daredevil got three stars on Comcast? (This was ML's question but it was too good to not include)  How is it possible that Sarah Palin was ever Governor of anywhere?  How is it possible that I remember as much as I do for my Misguided Children blog?  How is it possible that lower middle class people believe that we'd all be better off without unions?  How is it possible that Republicans seem hellbent on reliving the mid-90s when they shut down the Federal Government?  How is it possible that I have been out of the Marine Corps for eight years?  How is it possible that natural disasters destroy almost everywhere else in the world except the continental United States?  How is it possible that anyone thinks Tyler Perry playing Alex Cross is good idea?  How is it possible that The Miz is still the WWE Champion?  How is it possible that the NFL Owners and NFLPA are so incredibly out of touch with reality?  How is it possible that Rick Lavoie is not a contributor for the History Channel?  How is it possible that I can go months without talking to my two best friends and then pick up right where we left off when we do?  How is it possible that people think Waiting for Superman is a documentary and not propaganda?  How is it possible that people don't see that age and maturity are not linked?  How is it possible that you have read the Tremendous Tales of Nicholas Nobody?  How is it possible that you aren't listening to The Thread Podcast?  How is it possible that I didn't know there was a Red Robin (YUM!!!) at Patriot Place in Foxboro?  How is it possible that I still won't use bullets for these blogs?  How is it possible that Jesse The Machine Green is the best artist that you've never heard of?  How is it possible that the majority of my friends are married and either have or are having children? (How did that happen?)  How is it possible that I have a Masters degree? How is it possible that it's been 235 since there was a revolution in this country? (Might be time for another one)  How is it possible that I still have more questions?  How is it possible that I'll be 35 in less than a month?  How is it possible that I actually want to see Fast Five? (I can't explain it either)  How is it possible that I prefer iced coffee all year round?  How is it possible that people still believe that the end justifies the means?  How is it that more people don't understand that life is what happens when your making other plans?

Well if you are still reading then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.

A Little Perspective

I am not happy that the New England Patriots lost to the New York Jets in the divisional round of the playoffs.  Before I jump on the bandwagon of fellow Pats fans who are as I speak driving to the Tobin Bridge to jump off, I thought that I should reflect on whether this is the worst thing that ever happened or at least the worst thing that has happened while I've been alive.

I'm 34 years old.  I was born on March 18, 1976.  When I was two years old the New York Yankees beat the Boston Red Sox in a one game playoff when Bucky Bleeping Dent smashed the game winning HR.  When I was four years old Iranian students took over the American Embassy and held 52 Americans hostage for 444 days.  When I was five years old John Lennon was killed in NYC.  When I was seven years old the US Marine Corps barracks was bombed in Beirut.  When I was nine years old my grandmother died.  When I was ten years old the space shuttle Challenger exploded while it was taking off and the Red Sox blew game 6 and eventually the World Series, and the Patriots lost the Super Bowl.  When I was eleven the Celtics lost the NBA Finals to the Lakers.  When I was twelve years old the Bruins lost the Stanley Cup Finals and Michael Dukakis decided to run for President.  When I was thirteen years old the San Francisco earthquake struck during the World Series.  When I was fourteen years old the Bruins lost the Stanley Cup Finals again and President Bush launched Operation Desert Shield and Desert Storm.  When I was fifteen years old the Perfect Storm hit the east coast.  When I was sixteen years old Rodney King was beat down by the LAPD and my uncle Rick died.  When I was seventeen years old Reggie Lewis died of a heart attack, my mother died of cancer and my grandfather died.  When I was eighteen years old O.J. Simpson killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.  When I was nineteen years old my uncle Jake died of brain cancer and the Patriots lost another Super Bowl.  When I was twenty years old the New York Yankees won the World Series (this happened again when I was 21, 23, 24, and 33) and John Elway and the Broncos won the Super Bowl. (This happened again when I was twenty one years old.)  When I was twenty one years old my father fell down and fractured his skull.  When I was twenty two years old a drunk girl fell down the stairs of my fraternity house and almost got me and my roommates kicked out of school.  When I was twenty three years old Dale Earnhardt died during the Daytona 500.  When I was twenty four years old Islamic terrorists blew up the World Trade Center and the United States of America invaded Afghanistan.  When I was twenty seven years old the United States of America invaded Iraq and the Red Sox blew game 7 of the ALCS to the New York Yankees and my grandmother died.  When I was twenty eight years old the Boston Red Sox won the World Series!!! (I am aware that this doesn't qualify as a bad thing I just still can't believe it and love to say it!!!)  When I was twenty nine years old I got laid off (This happened again when I was 31 and 34.) and Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast.  When I was thirty years old the New England Patriots blew a 21 point in the second half and lost the AFC Championship to the Indianapolis Colts.  When I was thirty one years old the New England Patriots lost to the New York Giants in the Super Bowl thus ending their bid for an undefeated season.  When I was thirty two years old Tom Brady tore his ACL on the first series of the first game of the season, the Red Sox lost the ALCS to the Tampa Bay Rays and and the Boston Bruins lost a game 7 and the global economy almost collapsed. (The latter also happened when I was 33 and 34.)  When I was thirty four years old the Celtics lost the NBA Finals to the Lakers, my wife and unborn son were run off the highway in a hit and run accident and the Pats lost to the Jets in the Playoffs, an oil rig exploded in the Gulf of Mexico and a psycho executed 5 people in Arizona.

Now...  this has been an off the top of my head list of bad things that have happened during my life.  Some are comical, others are incidental, and some were life altering and earth shattering.  Do I have a point?  I guess my point is that the Patriots losing this playoff game isn't the end of the world.  Just trying to add a little perspective.   Besides we all know that end of the world is directly linked to Mark Czarnowski's happiness...  and considering that he is happier lately than I've ever seen him, I think that it is safe to say we in serious trouble!!

Well, if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.

When 1.12

When will people accept that words actually do hurt?  When will Rex Ryan stop talking long enough to pull his head out of his ass? (After all isn't it hard to put your foot in your mouth when your head is up your ass?)  When will all the resumes I send out get even a measured response?  When is Lebron James going to realize that his opinions don't matter to anyone but him?  When are we all going to realize that it is our fault that politicians treat us like idiot children?  When will there be new members of the Fifth Column?  When is Kevin Garnett going to return?  When will I get around to posting a new Misguided Children?  When is Antonio Cromarte going to spend his time worrying about his kids instead of whether or not Tom Brady respects him?  When is the NCAA going to strip Auburn of its National Championship? (C'mon, you know it's coming)  When will the Biggest Loser stop trying to be Survivor and help these people change their lives?  When is Triple H going to return?  When am I going to start letting that which doesn't matter truly slide?  When are the Bruins going to stop pissing away leads in the third period?  When will No Ordinary Family start wearing costumes?  When will my friends on Facebook give The Tremendous Tales of Nicholas Nobody a read?  When will my son sleep through the night?  When will the NFL change its playoff format?  When will I finally break down and bring Brayden to meet his aunts and my cousins?  When will my friend Eric and I schedule some playtime for our children?  When will Tony and Ziva just get it over with?  When will Ron Artest finally snap again?  When are the writers going to stop pretending they care about the sanctity of the game when all they do is constantly knock it down a peg?  When will the press hound Floyd Mayweather with the same tenacity that they hounded Tiger Woods or Mike Tyson?  When will Otis finally make it to Boston? (Shawn P 3, Otis 0)  When will the Big Bad Voodoo Daddy write his leadership manual?  When will Chris Hazlewood fight in the UFC?  When will Leigh and Leo pick a name?  When are liberals going to stop letting conservatives paint them as wimps or better yet stop acting like wimps?  When are conservatives going to stop pandering to the religious nuts?  When are people going to realize that five other people were KILLED in Arizona and not just one congresswoman was shot?  When will education reform actually reform education?  When will people everywhere care as much about a veteran's funerals as much as a nine year old girl's?

Well, if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.

When?

When will the Boston Globe stop bashing the Teacher's Union and start bashing the policies that have created the problem?  When will ESPN stop trying to crown LeBron James before he actually wins anything?  When will people stop caring about who's boinking who?  When will Sean Carpenter decide that he is better than the candidates he endorses and run for office?  When will my son Brayden crawl?  When will the New York Jets stop talking and do what they get paid to do?  When are people going to realize there is absolutely no difference between Republicans, Democrats and investment bankers?  (They all get rich selling us a fantasy while we bust our asses and stay right where we are!)  When will MLB have a salary cap?  When will we stop calling military operations wars?  When will I finally learn that high anxiety and alcohol make me no fun to be around?  When will my father realize that sending email is less complicated than rewiring the basement?  When will Brayden's baby acne go away?  When is a fellow inmate going to shiv Bernie Madoff?  When is Lifetime going to stop making cheesy movies about men who kill women? (Aren't they supposed to be the network for women?)  When will my aunts get off their asses and come see Brayden? (Supposedly they are dying to meet him, so one could assume that they are dead by now)  When will Kim Kardashian just go the F#$% AWAY?  When will the Boston Bruins stop teasing us with a couple wins before an extended losing streak?  When will ESPN pay as much attention the Celtics or the Lakers as they do the Heat?  WHEN WILL BRETT FAVRE FINALLY F@#$ING RETIRE? When will celebrities who commit heinous crimes get treated like the rest of us?  When is this global warming thing going to actually warm the globe? (It's frickin freezing in here Mr. Bigglesworth)  When is ML going to stop inviting me to join his fantasy leagues? (It'll probably be right after football ends and after how I've acted, I can't blame him)  When is my Masters finally going to come in the mail?  When am I finally going to stop caring about shit that truly doesn't matter?  When will the Patriots win their next Superbowl?  When will M&M finally get engaged?  When is Suff finally going to realize that will while size is important, substance usually wins over flash in the end?  When will the state of Massachusetts stop voting the same tired bums in and acting flabbergasted when they screw us over?  When will I stop missing my mom?  When is it going to start to feel like Christmas?  When is Otis finally going to come to Boston?  When is my wife going to believe me when I tell her that she's beautiful?  When am I going to stop asking these questions???

Well, if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.

You don't have to like it...

Monday December 6, 2010 was billed as the NFL game of the year, an epic clash of the titans between AFC East powers; the Jets vs Patriots.  The battle of the minds, Rex Ryan vs Bill Belichik.  The battle of the QBs, Mark Sanchez vs Tom Brady.  Well, let's just say that something epic happened but it was hardly a clash of the titans.  For all the talking Rex Ryan did about how he came to the AFC East to kick Bill Belichik's ass I expected more.  Instead Rex got his every inch of his extremely fat ass kicked.  You'd think a silly fat bastard like him would love to eat, but he certainly looked he was going to choke on his tears while eating the humble pie that the evil hoodie baked for him.  I haven't seen someone look that miserable since John Candy found out he had to eat the gristle and fat left from the old 96er in The Great Outdoors.  The Jets are a sub par pretender to the throne.  They have beaten one team with a winning record this season and that was the Pats in week 2.  How was the rematch?  45-3!!  And honestly the game wasn't even that close.  The Sanchize had looked good the last two weeks in late game drives against terrible teams after his vaunted defense had blown substantial leads.  Then comes into Foxboro on Monday Night Football and throws three picks against what all the experts claim is the worst pass defense in the league!!!  Tom Brady surgically cut apart the Jets defense for over 300 yards passing and four touchdowns!!  The Jets are exactly what the Bengals were last year...  a comical sideshow with some talent and ton of hot air!!  I just don't see the Dolphins, Steelers, Bears and Bills pulling their entire starting lineups and allowing the Jets to slide into the playoffs like the Colts did for you last year!!!  So J-E-T-S SUCK SUCK SUCK fans welcome back to the real world!!!  You don't have to like it, but learn to love it.

This week marked the 69th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor.  I can't help but marvel at this fact;  December 7th 1941, a date which will live in infamy happened almost 3/4 of a century ago.  We talk about freedom and rights all the time in this country, but I get the feeling that we don't always like to admit that those freedoms and rights were paid for with blood and sacrifice.  I think that is worth remembering the next time you think it's acceptable to leave your hat on during the National Anthem.  It's the land of the Free because of the Brave. To all veteran's past and present,  but especially those of WWII, I salute you.

Season One of The Event came to a close this week.  I have watched every episode of this hybrid between Lost and 24 and I have to say that I am not disappointed.  There are layers of power struggles on this show.  I am holding to firm to what I said in this blog about every time there is a black President on a show or movie an unspeakable disaster looms on the horizon.  I hope Season Two is as good as Season One.

Last week's episode of Smallville was the best one so far.  Not of this season...  but EVER!!!  The parallel universes, the two Clarks,  and the references to King Lear along with the final quote about not wanting to miss how it all ends...  BRILLIANT!

A final note that has nothing to do with pop culture.  I have been truly blessed with an amazing and beautiful wife, a healthy and adorable newborn son, and some great friends.  Sometimes I forget how good things are and only concentrate on what I don't have... and I shouldn't because I know a lot of people would kill to have what I have.  So before I sign off, I want to say to four of you out there who should know who you are...  I'm sorry I get jealous and feel left out sometimes.  I have no right to want to be included in what you have created.  I love you and hope for your continued success.

Well, if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.

Why the Sequel... Why Not?!?!

Why do you have to wait so long at the Emergency Room?  Why is the Miz the new WWE Champion?  Why aren't more people reading the Tales of Nicholas Nobody?  Why is Scrooged not running 24/7 on at least one network?  Why am I not typing this bullet style?  Why is Barrack Obama talking to Barbara Walters about Sarah Palin?  Why did Jerry Jones have to ruin the fun and fire Wade Phillips?  Why do the San Diego Chargers tease their fans with a late season run that will only inevitably end badly?  Why do my aunts still pretend to not know how to get to my house?  Why did some punk ass kid take an entire high school class hostage in Wisconsin?  Why hasn't A Little Bit of Mojo gotten a little caption on the Thread's website? (See above)  Why is it that births and funerals make us forget the reasons we stopped talking to certain people?  Why don't people quote Fight Club more often?  And for that matter, why can't I talk about Fight Club? Why are the Yankees jerking everyone around by pretending that they don't care if they sign Derek Jeter?  Why did Alan Burke rob Eric Cyphers of his first good play ever by invoking the 'arm going forward rule' at Bourbon Bowl?  Why can't Smallville be as awesome as Superman Earth One?  Why do the New York Jets and the New York Giants play in New Jersey?  Why is anyone surprised that the Miami Heat haven't lived up the hype?  Why did Boise State drop out of the top 10 in the BCS with one loss while there are two teams in the top 10 with two losses?  Why did my father in law tell me that Holy Cross beat Lehigh when in fact the opposite occurred?  Why don't fat people get asked to cook as often as big people get asked to help move stuff?  Why haven't Ben and Jenny Barrett moved back to the US yet?  Why was Aliens the only movie I could find to watch in the delivery room?  Why does everything PQ told me while I was in the Marine Corps make so much sense now?  Why do Chris Carter and Keyshawn Johnson act like they weren't prima donnas?  Why does my friend Otis still surprise me with his escapades?  Why hasn't Charlie Sheen just gotten it over with and killed a call girl yet?  Why does Congress get a vacation?  Why don't more people know how talented Terry Dolan is?  Why does the Catholic Church still pretend that requiring priests to be celibate is a good idea?  Why do I say I'm so happy that my son doesn't look like me when in reality he looks a lot like me?      Why am I suddenly so sorry for every nasty thing I've ever said to my father?  Why are Karissa and I so blessed with such amazing friends and families?  Why don't more people watch the League?  Why did that idiot in Wisconsin shoot his TV when Bristol Palin wasn't eliminated on DWTS?  Why don't more people watch The Soup?  Why don't Bill Maher, Dennis Miller and Jon Stewart run against eachother for President?  Why does Mike Long think everything is 20 minutes away?  Why does Suff pretend that he understands the concept of punctuality? Why do I still get up at 6 am when I haven't had a job since June?  Why did Richard Seymour only punch out Ben Roethlisberger?  Why did I wait till the end of this blog to tell my wife Karissa and newborn son Brayden how much I love them?

Well if you are still reading this then you obviously have as much time on your hands as I do and if that's the case then you have my sympathies.